i was talking with paul, processing life, stress, worries, anxieties, per usual… and feeling like i was getting no where… not becoming less stressed, less anxious, less worried, and also feeling like a failure in God’s eyes because i can’t seem to “let go and let God…” barf. can we all just agree that phrases like that need to die. i mean honestly, what the H does that even mean? or how the H are you supposed to actually do that? (*sidebar: when we were little my mom told us that it’s not swearing if you do it with letters, or in another language, so you may see a smattering of that in this blog. my mom’s the best. love her.) anyway…where was i? oh yeah, so paul and i were talking and praying and i was trying to give it over but not really having any luck…and then i started thinking…”how long has it been since i have been truly content/happy/satisfied with my life?” and you know, it’s been a long long time. and there is no reason for it. i mean yes, in the moment there seem to be a million a and a half reasons why i am miserable/sad/mad/worried or whatever, but big picture (and really, small picture too) i just haven’t been focused on anything positive.
so, God is so good, at church on sunday i go into the service with all of this rolling around in my brain, and what do you know, the guest preacher is talking about this verse:
22 Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. 23 For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. 24 Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! 25 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life[b]? 26 Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?
27 “Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 28 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith! 29 And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. 30 For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. 31 But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.
32 “Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. 33 Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will never fail, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. 34 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
so i want this blog to represent the things i treasure and where my heart is. i don’t want this to get too long, but basically i want the overflow of my heart to be filled with joy. i want to focus on gratitude. and i want to document me trying to do this publicly.ha!
now you know the background of the blog name