so. here’s a little story:
today i had an eye appointment. i wasn’t super excited about it, but it needed to be done. (oh, did i mention i had a dental appointment last night…this is how i am. i get it in my head that i need to make these appointments and then HAVE to make all appointments for as freaking-soon-as-humanly-possible….it’s just how i roll..max-high mary…have we talked about this??….) anyway, so i go today for a routine exam and forget to bring my glasses. ‘well, no big deal’, i tell myself. ‘i’ll just pop my contacts back in my eyes before i go.’ great. …so…… i totally didn’t realize that they were going to dilate my pupils. OK. let’s talk about this: i, apparently, have NEVER had this done, or at least i don’t remember it. i didn’t realize that it makes your vision completely blurry for…oh….like a good 5 hours…..and that it basically renders your contact lenses more or less useless. yeah. no one told me. and, did i mention, i drove myself to the office. and i was supposed to meet a girlfriend for lunch afterwards…but that comes later….
so. i told the doctor that i have had some trouble with my lenses lately…….blurriness, itching…i was assuming it was allergies….so he examines them and tells me that i am NOT suffering from allergies, but rather have a DOUBLE EYE INFECTION. yeah. both eyes. infected. who knew. ..
..weird side note: i had this EXACT infection literally one year ago TO. THE. DAY. and i was SO bummed back then because we were invited to a gala for the following day, and i had to wear my stupid glasses to it. and so this year i was really excited to get dressed up and not have to wear my stupid glasses (can you tell i don’t like my glasses??…), but GUESS. FREAKING. WHAT?! i have to wear my stupid glasses AGAIN!!!!! what are the odds???!!! grrrr……i am so SO bummed!
okay so it gets better: SO i tell my doctor that i don’t have my glasses to wear home and he’s like ‘oh no big deal. just pop your contacts back in and then put your glasses on when you get home.’ great. so i get up to leave and he hands me my check out sheet to give the girl at the counter before i leave, and my contacts to put in in the bathroom. so i take out, down the hall towards the bathroom….totally blind…contacts in one hand…check out sheet in the other…shoulder running along the wall for balance, and squinting like i am staring directly into the sun… okay so i make it to the bathroom, eventually… and set my sheet of paper down on what i can only assume is the countertop. it’s not. it’s the toilet. the ACTUAL toilet. so i hunch by down by the seat (to get a closer look when, when i hear a faint ‘splash..’) in time to watch my check out sheet slip completely under the toilet water. so, (i utter a few ‘swears’, (as my preschoolers call them). , i’ll admit it..) i reach in and pull out the DRIPPING paper and set it on what i now know to be the counter. oy. okay so now to put in the contacts…
so i lean in, basically nose to the mirror, and put in my contacts. okay, and i’m really not sure how this is possible, but my vision is WORSE with my contacts in! i frantically grab my cell phone to text someone to come and get me, because at this point i am panicking that i cannot drive myself home and i’ll have to wait in the bathroom for hours until someone can come and get me. however when peering at my screen i discover that my iphone screen is COMPLETELY blurry. as if my eyes were smothered with vaseline, blurry. side effect of the dilation… so i just GUESS who i am texting and send out a few ‘help me!’ texts. not putting it together that even if someone DID text me back, i couldn’t read it anyway….so i take my contacts back out (because at this point i can see better withOUT them in..), grab my sopping wet paper, and shoulder my way down the hall, all the way to the reception desk. i can only imagine what i look like at this point: holding a sopping wet piece of paper by two fingers out in front of me, sliding along the wall so i don’t fall or trip, and alternating squinting and opening my eyes as wide as possible to try to see SOMETHING. ANYTHING in front of me. also my pupils are so dilated i look like a cartoon character. so ‘this’ arrives at the reception desk and i can’t really make out her face, but i say (limply) ‘here. i am a hot mess right now…sorry.’ and she bursts out laughing. no judgement. i would’ve too. she takes my sheet and i make my way back to the bathroom to try one more go at my contacts.
at this point, enough time has passed that i can see out into the world with my contacts in, but my phone and all screens are still really, completely, blurry. so i decided to drive myself home. NOT a great idea, i know. but really my only option at this point…okay that’s not true either, but i was just so annoyed i wanted to get home…. so i had to try to call my friend and let her know i couldn’t make it to lunch. call paul to tell him i love him in case i didn’t make it home or got arrested…then drove home (in the SNOW/RAIN), took a short nap hoping to wake up and feel like a new girl. didn’t happen….*sigh….
so here i sit. as time goes on my vision gets progressively and markedly better. ….as seen by my ability to type and see this post…. thank GOD. but i do have to wear these suckers for a week and do 4 drops a day of antibiotics….and wear my glasses for our color run on saturday..i may need to get some science experiment goggles and a sweet strap to keep everything in place…….. so at least i will look awesome…….you KNOW there will be pics of that…something to look forward to..
so that’s my day. hopefully it was entertaining at least to you, so it wasn’t lived in vain. i’m sure i’ll laugh one day…probably while proof reading this..let’s be honest. it was pretty hysterical.
happy. freaking. wednesday everyone.
ps. our friends mike and molly came over tonight and that totally saved my day. they are great,and i will post more about that later.