so.. here it is…on wednesday morning around 11:30….i was thieved. i have been told i can’t call it robbed, because (apparently) that implies i was witness to the crime..or something……but either way. someone. stole. my purse. I WAS THIEVED!
here’s the story (insert the ‘law and order’ sound here.):
i needed to get our tail light fixed for a while, so on wednesday i pulled into a little “mom and pop” repair shop close to my school. as i pulled into the station, i realized that i was also low on gas, so i decided to fill up and then head into the shop. i was on the phone at the time, so i grabbed my credit card, my keys, and shouldered my phone to my ear to fill up. if this were a tv show, the camera would now zoom in on my purse lying on the passenger side floor and then pan up to my unlocked doors. OKAY. so before everyone checks out of the story at this point, claiming i was asking for it by not locking my door, listen: i was standing RIGHT THERE at my car. and i just didn’t think twice about it. so lay off.
okay, so i tried swiping my card several times and it wasn’t working….i was getting super annoyed, so i thought i would ask the woman behind the counter in the convenient store what was up with this….this is a SUPER small shop and i could see in the store that she was talking to a man who had several cards that were getting denied….maybe a clue…but all are innocent until proven guilty…i suppose…
so i decided to try my card again and at this point it works, and i start fueling. i walked around my car to take out any garbage/get into the drivers side, and as i passed the passenger side door, i noticed that it wasn’t really shut, just set closed. weird…when i opened the door to close it tighter, a strong smell of cigarettes hit me. also weird because we don’t smoke. (it kills..i’m just sayin..) it’s then i realized my purse is gone. (again: law and order sound)
okay so tears instantly fill my eyes..i call paul…..he tells me to call the police and he will cancel all the cards (besides the one in my hands). i tell the station attendant and call the police. they tell me that it will be over an hour before an officer can be there, so i can just leave and someone will call me to make a report within the hour. it was surreal driving away from there. no purse….totally stunned….but they did call soon and i made my report.
within 10 minutes of realizing my purse was missing, paul had all of our cards cancelled. the thieves did, however, spend $13.42 at white castle and $5.95 in gas at super america before the cards were shut down…. okay, so here’s the thing: WHAT THE HECK? i mean, if you go through all the trouble to sneakily steal someone’s purse, and then use their credit card (which is now throwing you into the bracket of credit card fraud, a MUCH more serious crime), at least make it worth it. but no. my thieves were thrifty. only a cheeseburger, small fry, and 3 small drinks….whatever.
side note: when i was making my report, the officer asked me what was in my purse….UM….EVERYTHING. MY LIFE?! have you tried to recall all the contents of your purse? it’s impossible….and then to the police?! i was sweating, like ‘oh man…am i under oath? do i need to call her officer? your honor? ……wait…did i have a cherry berry punch card? oh gosh…i can’t remember…..will that be used against me in a court of law?? do i already know too much?!”
so by the end of the day i was exhausted…needed a new wallet and purse….ugh…*sigh….can we just talk about my purse for a second…..it was my beautiful michael kors purse pauly gave me for christmas…..it was…perfect…..*tear….. pauly and i would always refer to him as just ‘michael’, so now we talk about the day that michael was kidnapped…and how he’s probably laying in some dumpster somewhere all alone…scared….i have to stop…. (okay okay, i realize this is unhealthy….just let me mourn in my own way….)
so later that day pauly and i head to target so i can try to find some replacements…while there…i had to pee…( i promise this is relevant..), so i head into the bathroom….i was waiting for a text from my cousin who was coming into town, so i pulled out my phone from my pocket to make sure i didn’t miss it…as i did…it was like slow motion…my phone slipped from my hands and i ‘hot-potatoed’ it all the way to the floor…..the second it hit the floor, i knew my day needed to be over. as i picked it up, pieces of the screen crumbled off onto the floor….. i quickly picked up the pieces, headed for the exit, and bolted for the car. when i opened the door i could tell pauly was surprised how quickly i returned, but i burst into tears before he could say anything. this was the nail in the ugly coffin that was my day.
i have to give mad props to pauly though. he is a ROCK. STAR in situations like this. he was on the phone within seconds ordering me a new phone. and was so supportive and understanding. he just kept telling me ‘don’t worry…we’ll get michael back…. or at least his cousin…’ what a guy. really. i just love him. just. love. him.
after that there was only one thing to do: talk to some food about my day. and boy did we….red robin style. it was worth it, but adding ‘total self loathing’ at the end of the day probably wasn’t super smart
here’s the thing: i am really trying to channel my inner greg boyd (our pastor) and ascribe unsurpassable worth to the jag who stole my purse. it’s really hard, but i am praying that they get all their needs met, and that they are blessed in life in such a way that they know it can only be God’s work….and if they happen to break out in head to toe guilt-ridden hives….i won’t lose any sleep.