love and marriage

sometimes marriage is hard. really really hard. don’t get me wrong, i love LOVE pauly, but sometimes i don’t feel like i LIKE him very much……… just trying to be honest.

and so sets the scene for last friday night. pauly got home from work and i decided we needed to talk about our relationship. (okay…i know everyone is thinking something like “oh….poor paul..” right now, but please just hear me out….) he has been working a lot of hours lately, and i…well….haven’t….and although i am VERY VERY thankful to have that as an option for my life, i want us to make sure we are always putting our relationship and family first. i felt like he has been choosing his job over spending time with me, and that work was more important to him, at least at times.

so we talked for a long time about balancing work, friends, moving to our new place, etc…….what that will look like down the road with kids….my expectations about life with kids…his thoughts on his work, my work, our kids….and you know it was really really great. it was nice to just be completely honest with each other. so nice to know that i can be honest and not feel judged for the way i think and feel. and pauly is amazing–that’s the point of this post.

for those of you who don’t know, after our first year of marriage we realized that we were NOT communicating like we should. i felt like i was going crazy with anxiety, stress, emotions in general, and he could not for the life of him understand where i was coming from….it was rough…so we finally decided to get help. after we moved down to the cities we sought out professional counseling, and made weekly trips for the next (almost) two years. it. was. LITERALLY. life changing. for those two years we sat in front of this stranger and talked about EVERYTHING. how i felt. how he felt. what we each wanted out of our marriage. how our upbringings each affected our views on marriage and family. what we were frustrated with in marriage. how we felt hopeless at times….etc… and you know, in the end, we really ended up with this deep respect, true empathy, and honest unconditional love for each other. it equipped us to better communicate with each other. it helped pauly to express his emotions (and at the beginning, to realize he HAD emotions..), it gave him much more empathy for me and my anxiety, and it helped me see that he TRULY. DEEPLY. loves me and really only wants the best for me in life. i saw how hard he works for us in every area of his life, and that (although i don’t always choose to see it) he really does make all his life choices with me in mind first. so that in turn, makes me want to put him first in my life. it starts to create this amazing circle of both of us continually submitting to each other daily… and that breeds more respect, love, thankfulness, and hope.

there is no one who takes care of me like that man. no one who completely understands me like he does. no one i trust more, love more, and want to spend more time with than him.

paul is the kind of man, that when i express frustrations, like friday night, he listens and ACTUALLY TRIES TO CHANGE. who does that?! i don’t! (sorry pauly–i’m workin’ on it!!) i admire him so much for that. he really wants to be ever growing as a husband and (someday) father. he never wants to be stagnant in his faith, his work, or his relationship with me. how incredible.

so. the reason i wrote this post, is because 1. i don’t want to ever forget the hard work that we have put into our marriage and how far we have come. and 2. i just want to encourage people in this same stage of life.. a phrase we always say regarding our counseling is “why live miserable??” we get one life. that’s it. why for ONE SECOND live miserably if you don’t have to?! this is the person we are supposed to have fun with, grow old with, laugh with, have children with, and we should WANT to be around them.

i carry this sentiment over into all areas of my life now. am i miserable in my job? then i change it. am i miserable in the way i view my body? then i fix it, by putting in healthy foods, exercising, and most importantly, getting over myself and viewing myself the way Jesus does. i’m not by any stretch of the imagination perfect at this, but it helps me to have some perspective.

okay, enough on my soapbox :) bet you weren’t expecting this for my tuesday post, huh?!


after we talked on friday night, we decided to go and get pizza at our favorite pizza place, Tino’s, in minnetonka. it was raining terribly when we got there and we literally couldn’t even get out of the car, so we went through the drive through and sat in the parking lot eating pizza, watching the storm, and listening to enya pandora :) it was the best night.

said pizza. seriously. try. it. here’s the link.

he got new jeans for a friends wedding. i asked him to try them on. this is what he does. and this is why i love him. excuse the messy room!

you can’t really read this, but it says ” i love it when my wife lets me go golfing.” hahah!

i love you pauly pocket!!


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