getting my pride jiggled out

for the past week i have been doing a detox/cleanse. no sugar, no gluten, no dairy. it’s as fun as it sounds. the problem is that i feel awesome. i’m sleeping better and waking up earlier with a TON more energy. it’s a real pickle. to be healthy and feel awesome and sleep like a baby..or eat peanut butter m&m’s with reckless abandon….honestly i have no idea what i will choose when this detox is over. (haha let’s pretend i am actually considering not eating m&m’s ever again..)

anyway, a few days ago i decided that in addition to taxing my system with a 14 day detox, now would also be a good time to start a rigorous training program for a half marathon. it should be noted i am not currently, nor do i plan to be, signed up for any races. i just thought, “meh. why not? since i’m on a health kick….what could go wrong?” (have we talked about my “all things to the extreme” personality?…)

so needless to say, my body didn’t like it, and i JACKED UP my knees in the process. so much so, the pain has been waking me up in the middle of night. achey, tight, sore…not fun. worried that i did permanent damage in my over zealousness, i made an appointment with my chiropractor to check it out.

i don’t love the chiropractor. i always feel nervous about accidentally farting in his face, so i tense my body to the point where it’s difficult for him to work on me. i giggle nervously when he wraps his arms around me from the back, and then let out an awkward, loud, forced breath “HA” when he cracks my back….followed by more embarrassed, nervous giggling. and i just don’t love the sounds he forces out of my joints….it’s unnerving….oh, and did i mention my chiropractor is tiny? and by tiny i mean, if he were a house up for sale, he would be described as “charming” or “quaint”…….little. he’s little. at least compared to my 5’9 frame…i just feel gargantuan next to him. and he’s in incredible shape…so…..yeah…….

when i arrived this time, my palms were already sweaty with nervous anticipation. he asked me to follow him back to the room, and i settled in on the table. i explained to him my knee issues and he asked me to lay back and raise my right leg off the table. he wanted to do some muscle testing to see if i was overcompensating in one area, causing strain on my knees. he would press down on my leg and i would try to keep my leg in the air. now, the sight of seeing him try to press my leg down was, honestly, comical. i swear at one point his entire body was off the floor hanging onto my leg. he then asked me to flip onto my stomach and he would try to realign my hips by, what i can only describe as, dropping the table out from under me a short ways, over and over. so here i lay, derriere heavenward, and my tiny chiropractor leaning over me. ten times he drops the table, and ten times i feel my butt jiggle hard down to my knees. i don’t even have time to tense my butt muscles in hopes of redeeming some pride and before the next drop would come. KA-BOOM. KA-BOOM. KA-BOOM. jiggle…jiggle….jiggle…..

by the end we were both profusely sweating. me of embarrassment, and he from what was, apparently, a incredible cardiovascular workout. as he tried to catch his breath he explained “i think…..(heavy sigh..) that your knees….(sharp inhale)….are okay….(exhale)….there’s just some scar tissue built up….(sharp inhale)….causing some inflammation…..(exhale…..)

i stared wide eyed back at him, horrified at how exhausted he looked……okay doc. got it. now get me the H out of here.

so there you have it. pride gone. and i am now VERY aware of muscle groups that “need work”. *cough* my A$$.

in other news, I LOVE THE OLYMPICS. and it makes me want to workout……but for risk of needing another chiropractic visit, i will refrain until the detox is over. only 7 more days……

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