wash me down stream

a few days ago, you may have seen a “help me..” pic i posted on instagram regarding our adoption…(if not, be sure to follow me…i mean it sounds pretty fun, riiight?!) well, i was feeling particularly overwhelmed about the mounting paperwork, documents needed, and budget, and i let a whole bunch of fear and anxiety take over. it seemed so bleak for a while there and i found myself quickly needing reminders that this is worth it.

but here’s thing: we know this is the time we are called to adopt. we know this is the path God has for us. we know if we keep walking this out, it will be worth it. it’s funny though, how knowing something and knowing something can be totally different. you know?

there are times in life when it has seemed like the right thing to dig in and stand firm. to cling to beliefs, or ways of doing something with all my might. to not get swept away by the waters that surround me. but i was talking with a girlfriend a while back, saying these same things about wanting to ‘stand firm in the face of all this uncertainty’ and she looked at me and said “but why not get swept down stream?”  this idea blew me away and i have not stopped thinking about it since. why not? why not let myself get washed away instead of standing here, exhausted, in this same spot trying to have faith the same way i always have.

i feel now more than ever, Lord wash me down stream.

standing rooted in my need to control

wash me down stream.

waist high in my comfort zone of ‘doing it myself’ and asking for His guidance later

wash me down stream

completely allowing my fears dictate my perception of God’s goodness or His ability to save

wash me down stream 

Lord, sweep me up me from this place of control, and self reliance, and fear and wash me down stream.

and yes, the trip down river may feel rushed and overwhelming and new and scary but that new place, that fresh place is so. much. better.

there is a hillsong’s united song called ‘oceans‘ and i have been listening to it on repeat for about a week now. this part has really hit me:


Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You’ve never failed and You won’t start now

how quickly, how easily i forget that. i can look back and clearly see where God has come through, guided, healed and blessed. yet at the first sign of struggle my soul cries out “God! you’ve forgotten me here! why won’t you help?!” ……..wash me down stream, dear Jesus, of this knee-jerk reaction to so easily forget Your goodness. bring to me to a new place of trust, and faith and dependency.. because that is where He is.. His grace abounds in DEEPEST waters. take me there, Lord. deeper and deeper.

so this is where we are right now: praying to be washed down stream by His goodness. will you pray that for us too?

 

and thank you again, dear village, for all of your encouragement and prayers and love and ps: this journey is so much more enjoyable with you along for the ride.  xoxoxo

 

yes and amen!

 

 

 

mother’s day, marathons, and other monumental moments

this past weekend we visited family in fargo, and pauly ran in his very first half marathon! i was SO proud of him, as i am sure you have seen on my instagram account :) plus being able to celebrate mother’s day with both of our moms was the capper to a truly great weekend!

 

tonight, we have our very first homestudy! i am nervous, and excited, and ready and not ready, all at the same time! pray for us, will you? we are hoping for a great connection with our social worker, no delays in paperwork, and that our study would get written quickly. after this stage we are officially ready to be ‘out there’ (ie: ready to be picked). i’ll be sure to keep you updated, and many pics on instagram for sure, so be sure to follow me there if you haven’t already!

also, as you’ve seen on IG, i got my first mother’s day cards this weekend! my mom, sissiebear, and pauly all gave me cards to celebrate my ‘soon-to-be’ mommyhood. honestly, i felt so blessed. i had girlfriends texting me that day as well, and i cannot even BEGIN to tell you guys what that means to me. the fact that people are excited for us and are anticipating the arrival as much as we are is indescribable. i have heard girlfriends talk about how amazing it is to see other people love your kids, but to see other people love our kids they have never met is….beyond words…thank you all so much. and to all those encouraging us through IG and other blogs…you guys are amazing. we feel so blessed to have such a great village of people supporting us!

 

alright! off to keep cleaning! :) wish us luck tonight!!

here’s the highlight reel from the weekend, in no particular order! happy monday everyone!

 

 

 

 

i loved celebrating my sissie’s first mother’s day! she is an UNBELIEVABLE mother…such a natural. evan ADORES her. as do we all. this is us celebrating the day with a song….and our microphones :) 

 

free pizza after the race?! worth it!

 

everyone in this pic ran the marathon….except me…..aaaaaaand i’m okay with that :) 

this looks like he’s saying “no pictures!” but he’s really high-fiving me after the race :) he ran it with an 8 min 42 sec pace! 1:53 for his time! hashtag: studmuffin.

adoption option: homestudy scheduled!

in the world of  my “paper pregnancy” i’m not sure where this puts us ‘trimester’ wise, but we have our homestudy scheduled, people! this means that we are only 3 visits with our social worker, 6 hours of online training, 8 hours of in person training, 1 profile book, and innumerable essays away from bringing home baby B! (hmmmmmmm…..that sounded a lot more do-able in my head…..) bottom line: one step closer!  in case you are unfamiliar with how the process works, now we will meet with our social worker 3 times, for 3 hours each time and discuss our life, finances, parenting styles, and so much more…then she will combine all of that information into one giant plerg-based research paper and voila! we will be deemed fit to adopt! then we will finish our profile book, which is a shutterfly/snapfish type photo book detailing our life and families, and that is what the birth moms will read in order to pick us! it may sound like a lot left to do, but we are hoping to be ready to be picked by early this summer! whoop!

so in honor of getting one step closer, this weekend we (read: paul) moved all of the bedroom furniture out of the guest room, and officially declared it the nursery! :) so…..panic is setting in only slightly…..and i will be pinning nursery stuff like a freak over the next few weeks…..

alright! off to pin! hashtag: pray for paul. it’s ’bout to get craaaaaaaazy up in here…..

and thank you for all your continued prayer and love and support. honestly, we talk daily about how blessed we are to have such an incredible village online and in person!

 

let the next stage begin! also: how cute is my erin condren life planner?! i can't get enough of it.

let the next stage begin! also: how cute is my erin condren life planner?! i can’t get enough of it. and it has been CLUTCH in keeping all of our adoption stuff organized.