wash me down stream

a few days ago, you may have seen a “help me..” pic i posted on instagram regarding our adoption…(if not, be sure to follow me…i mean it sounds pretty fun, riiight?!) well, i was feeling particularly overwhelmed about the mounting paperwork, documents needed, and budget, and i let a whole bunch of fear and anxiety take over. it seemed so bleak for a while there and i found myself quickly needing reminders that this is worth it.

but here’s thing: we know this is the time we are called to adopt. we know this is the path God has for us. we know if we keep walking this out, it will be worth it. it’s funny though, how knowing something and knowing something can be totally different. you know?

there are times in life when it has seemed like the right thing to dig in and stand firm. to cling to beliefs, or ways of doing something with all my might. to not get swept away by the waters that surround me. but i was talking with a girlfriend a while back, saying these same things about wanting to ‘stand firm in the face of all this uncertainty’ and she looked at me and said “but why not get swept down stream?”  this idea blew me away and i have not stopped thinking about it since. why not? why not let myself get washed away instead of standing here, exhausted, in this same spot trying to have faith the same way i always have.

i feel now more than ever, Lord wash me down stream.

standing rooted in my need to control

wash me down stream.

waist high in my comfort zone of ‘doing it myself’ and asking for His guidance later

wash me down stream

completely allowing my fears dictate my perception of God’s goodness or His ability to save

wash me down stream 

Lord, sweep me up me from this place of control, and self reliance, and fear and wash me down stream.

and yes, the trip down river may feel rushed and overwhelming and new and scary but that new place, that fresh place is so. much. better.

there is a hillsong’s united song called ‘oceans‘ and i have been listening to it on repeat for about a week now. this part has really hit me:

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You’ve never failed and You won’t start now

how quickly, how easily i forget that. i can look back and clearly see where God has come through, guided, healed and blessed. yet at the first sign of struggle my soul cries out “God! you’ve forgotten me here! why won’t you help?!” ……..wash me down stream, dear Jesus, of this knee-jerk reaction to so easily forget Your goodness. bring to me to a new place of trust, and faith and dependency.. because that is where He is.. His grace abounds in DEEPEST waters. take me there, Lord. deeper and deeper.

so this is where we are right now: praying to be washed down stream by His goodness. will you pray that for us too?


and thank you again, dear village, for all of your encouragement and prayers and love and ps: this journey is so much more enjoyable with you along for the ride.  xoxoxo


yes and amen!





    • Yvonne Kiemele says

      We are praying for you two during this process you are going through, but know in the end it will be worth it all.

  1. says

    This is beautiful. I needed it today. I found your blog through Instagram hashtag for FAC. We are in a similar place in our adoption journey. Oh man am I feeling similar. So much to do, so many decisions to make. I have a hard time with not being able to control this. But I hear you are correct, as we have faith in Him, we will find peace. Thank you for sharing this, again, I needed it.

    • says

      I’m so glad it was what you needed. This is why I love this community. We are all in the same boat, and it’s so nice to be able to encourage each other or at least fist bump in solidarity through the struggles. :) Giving up control is so hard. Since writing this, i feel like i have failed more than ever :) so excited to hear about your journey though! i will try to find you on IG so we can keep updated on each other’s stories!

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