a few days ago, you may have seen a “help me..” pic i posted on instagram regarding our adoption…(if not, be sure to follow me…i mean it sounds pretty fun, riiight?!) well, i was feeling particularly overwhelmed about the mounting paperwork, documents needed, and budget, and i let a whole bunch of fear and anxiety take over. it seemed so bleak for a while there and i found myself quickly needing reminders that this is worth it.
but here’s thing: we know this is the time we are called to adopt. we know this is the path God has for us. we know if we keep walking this out, it will be worth it. it’s funny though, how knowing something and knowing something can be totally different. you know?
there are times in life when it has seemed like the right thing to dig in and stand firm. to cling to beliefs, or ways of doing something with all my might. to not get swept away by the waters that surround me. but i was talking with a girlfriend a while back, saying these same things about wanting to ‘stand firm in the face of all this uncertainty’ and she looked at me and said “but why not get swept down stream?” this idea blew me away and i have not stopped thinking about it since. why not? why not let myself get washed away instead of standing here, exhausted, in this same spot trying to have faith the same way i always have.
i feel now more than ever, Lord wash me down stream.
standing rooted in my need to control
wash me down stream.
waist high in my comfort zone of ‘doing it myself’ and asking for His guidance later
wash me down stream
completely allowing my fears dictate my perception of God’s goodness or His ability to save
wash me down stream
Lord, sweep me up me from this place of control, and self reliance, and fear and wash me down stream.
and yes, the trip down river may feel rushed and overwhelming and new and scary but that new place, that fresh place is so. much. better.
there is a hillsong’s united song called ‘oceans‘ and i have been listening to it on repeat for about a week now. this part has really hit me:
Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You’ve never failed and You won’t start now
how quickly, how easily i forget that. i can look back and clearly see where God has come through, guided, healed and blessed. yet at the first sign of struggle my soul cries out “God! you’ve forgotten me here! why won’t you help?!” ……..wash me down stream, dear Jesus, of this knee-jerk reaction to so easily forget Your goodness. bring to me to a new place of trust, and faith and dependency.. because that is where He is.. His grace abounds in DEEPEST waters. take me there, Lord. deeper and deeper.
so this is where we are right now: praying to be washed down stream by His goodness. will you pray that for us too?
and thank you again, dear village, for all of your encouragement and prayers and love and ps: this journey is so much more enjoyable with you along for the ride. xoxoxo