for the last time

it was a big day in the PLerg household! today marks 9 years of wedded bliss. if we were a child, we’d be a third grader.  if we were a goldfish, we’d be dead.

of course special occasions like birthdays and anniversaries cause all sorts of nostalgic feelings to swell, and today was no exception. however, since my personality is prone to the dramatic/at times depressive realistic, big occasions also cause me to think about all the ‘lasts’ that an event marks. for example when we graduated from high school, pretty much my entire senior year i would say things like “awwwww! this is our last friday of class!” or “wow! we this is our last lunch break as seniors!” or “(teary) guys, this is the last wednesday before the last thursday before the last weekend before the last week of class we will ever have in this school..” i’m sure i was super annoying, but i like to think of it as sentimental. :)

so as the days closes, here are some of the ‘lasts’ that i have been thinking about as we embark on what is sure to be our most influential year yet (in no particular order):

the last anniversary date night without kids

the last birthdays we will celebrate without kids

the last single digit year of marriage

my last first and last days of school as a teacher (for a while at least!)

the (few) times we will stay up until 2am catching up on “Suits” or “Sherlock” (amazing TV, fyi..)

the last times we will sleep late and wake up refreshed

the last times people can ask us, “so when are you having kids??!”

 

 

there are many many more lasts and i am SURE i will post all of them to instagram :) but for now i must quit so we can go and have our last dessert for our last anniversary without kids.

ps: (and i have to do this here, because i forgot to get him a card! whoops!)   i love you pauly. you actually do make me a better person, i’m not just saying that. there is no one who loves as well as you do. you motivate me to be a more selfless person, and you are an amazing example of what it means to both stick to your convictions and grow as a person at the same time. i am so thankful for you, there aren’t enough words to describe it. i love you more and more each day–for real.

 

the last late night trip to paul's office to do the last of the adoption paperwork!

the last late night trip to paul’s office to do the last of the adoption paperwork!

 

the last selfie of the last time we are at pauly's office doing the last of the paperwork!

the last selfie of the last time we are at pauly’s office doing the last of the paperwork! …..i’m out of control….

 

4 more years! 4 more years!

we plergs have shouted this chorus twice now in our house…. meaning, of course, that we just celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary! hopefully many more ‘4 more years!’ to come!

it’s really strange to think that we have been married almost a decade…shoot….it weirdly feels like it has gone so fast, and at the same time like we have  been married forever. i am continually, eternally, forever thankful for that man in my life, even when he annoys the living H right out of me. which is rare, the longer we are together. :)

this year we decided to keep it kinda low key….it was on a monday after all….so we ate dinner at a great place in minneapolis called the smack shack (delightful seafood and amazing atmosphere. plus. two words: lobster. mac n cheese. oh. baby.)  and then headed home to watch recorded episodes of 60 minutes. i ‘S-H- you not’, my friends. and we loved it.

since i started my blog i have strangely been thinking a lot about our anniversary post…i felt like it needed to be poignant, and meaningful, and make you laugh and cry and appreciate the little things more, and hear birds sing, and hug your loved ones a little tighter after reading it…..or something…..but really, why? i mean honestly there are just some very basic and real things i feel about marriage and here they are: marriage is freaking hard and a ton of work. but i wouldn’t do anything different or change a thing a long the way, and it really is the hard work that pulls us together. looking back, i can so easily see how God has directed us, influenced our choices, and walked with us every single step. but isn’t it funny how easy it is to forget that in the moment, or doubt that He will continue to lead in the future? my prayer for us in this next year is this: to remember God’s faithfulness and be more thankful this year than we were last year.

also, those of you in similar marriage situations, and by that i mean simply, you are married, or not, whatever it doesn’t really matter for the analogy i am about to make, (ahem…yikes…get to to the point sister…) enjoy life. i mean it. really enjoy it. paul and i, no lie, go to bed every night laughing about something, and usually laugh at some point in the morning before we leave…(unless we were fighting about something…then i don’t know what he laughs about on the couch..i can’t hear him….haha! kidding!)

but really, i know…. how cheesy and stupid does that sound?! i know i know…..but cross my heart, it’s true. we have learned to not live miserably, and to LIKE each other as well as deeply love. we genuinely have fun together and it’s amazing. i could never have imagine where the first 8 years would have taken us and i can’t begin to imagine where the next 8 or 80 will! hopefully someplace warm with a beach at least once a year….

so, here’s to us! TO THE PLERGS!  4 MORE YEARS! 4 MORE YEARS!!

our enormous smack shack lobster dinner. i LOVE to eat out with pauly. he orders literally everything that looks good on the menu and we end up with waaaay more food than we need, but we get to try it all! and here, it's all amazing!

our enormous smack shack lobster dinner. i LOVE to eat at restaurants with pauly. he orders literally everything that looks good to him on the menu and we end up with waaaay more food than we need, but we get to try it all! and here, it’s all amazing!

this looks posed. because it is. but still. what a hunk.

this looks posed. because it was. but still. what a hunk.

in our pj's watching 60 minutes. nothin' betta.

in our pj’s watching 60 minutes. nothin’ betta.

love and marriage

sometimes marriage is hard. really really hard. don’t get me wrong, i love LOVE pauly, but sometimes i don’t feel like i LIKE him very much……… just trying to be honest.

and so sets the scene for last friday night. pauly got home from work and i decided we needed to talk about our relationship. (okay…i know everyone is thinking something like “oh….poor paul..” right now, but please just hear me out….) he has been working a lot of hours lately, and i…well….haven’t….and although i am VERY VERY thankful to have that as an option for my life, i want us to make sure we are always putting our relationship and family first. i felt like he has been choosing his job over spending time with me, and that work was more important to him, at least at times.

so we talked for a long time about balancing work, friends, moving to our new place, etc…….what that will look like down the road with kids….my expectations about life with kids…his thoughts on his work, my work, our kids….and you know it was really really great. it was nice to just be completely honest with each other. so nice to know that i can be honest and not feel judged for the way i think and feel. and pauly is amazing–that’s the point of this post.

for those of you who don’t know, after our first year of marriage we realized that we were NOT communicating like we should. i felt like i was going crazy with anxiety, stress, emotions in general, and he could not for the life of him understand where i was coming from….it was rough…so we finally decided to get help. after we moved down to the cities we sought out professional counseling, and made weekly trips for the next (almost) two years. it. was. LITERALLY. life changing. for those two years we sat in front of this stranger and talked about EVERYTHING. how i felt. how he felt. what we each wanted out of our marriage. how our upbringings each affected our views on marriage and family. what we were frustrated with in marriage. how we felt hopeless at times….etc… and you know, in the end, we really ended up with this deep respect, true empathy, and honest unconditional love for each other. it equipped us to better communicate with each other. it helped pauly to express his emotions (and at the beginning, to realize he HAD emotions..), it gave him much more empathy for me and my anxiety, and it helped me see that he TRULY. DEEPLY. loves me and really only wants the best for me in life. i saw how hard he works for us in every area of his life, and that (although i don’t always choose to see it) he really does make all his life choices with me in mind first. so that in turn, makes me want to put him first in my life. it starts to create this amazing circle of both of us continually submitting to each other daily… and that breeds more respect, love, thankfulness, and hope.

there is no one who takes care of me like that man. no one who completely understands me like he does. no one i trust more, love more, and want to spend more time with than him.

paul is the kind of man, that when i express frustrations, like friday night, he listens and ACTUALLY TRIES TO CHANGE. who does that?! i don’t! (sorry pauly–i’m workin’ on it!!) i admire him so much for that. he really wants to be ever growing as a husband and (someday) father. he never wants to be stagnant in his faith, his work, or his relationship with me. how incredible.

so. the reason i wrote this post, is because 1. i don’t want to ever forget the hard work that we have put into our marriage and how far we have come. and 2. i just want to encourage people in this same stage of life.. a phrase we always say regarding our counseling is “why live miserable??” we get one life. that’s it. why for ONE SECOND live miserably if you don’t have to?! this is the person we are supposed to have fun with, grow old with, laugh with, have children with, and we should WANT to be around them.

i carry this sentiment over into all areas of my life now. am i miserable in my job? then i change it. am i miserable in the way i view my body? then i fix it, by putting in healthy foods, exercising, and most importantly, getting over myself and viewing myself the way Jesus does. i’m not by any stretch of the imagination perfect at this, but it helps me to have some perspective.

okay, enough on my soapbox :) bet you weren’t expecting this for my tuesday post, huh?!

 

after we talked on friday night, we decided to go and get pizza at our favorite pizza place, Tino’s, in minnetonka. it was raining terribly when we got there and we literally couldn’t even get out of the car, so we went through the drive through and sat in the parking lot eating pizza, watching the storm, and listening to enya pandora :) it was the best night.

said pizza. seriously. try. it. here’s the link.

he got new jeans for a friends wedding. i asked him to try them on. this is what he does. and this is why i love him. excuse the messy room!

you can’t really read this, but it says ” i love it when my wife lets me go golfing.” hahah!

i love you pauly pocket!!